katara:

earthnation:

earthnation:

what did one cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe

mitosis

i want to die 

doctopus:

dont u wonder about the people on the other side of the enterprise who are just the janitors or some shit they never go on the bridge they have no idea whats going on

when the ship shakes they just think ‘goddammit kirk’

owner:  help me gordon ramsay why is my restaurant failing
gordon ramsay:  your food is bad
owner:  no it's not
gordon ramsay:  your kitchen is dirty
owner:  no it's not
gordon ramsay:  your decor is tacky
owner:  no it's not
gordon ramsay:  what did you ask me here for
owner:  we just don't know what's wrong
gordon ramsay:  

3ridan:

do not read old chat logs of someone you used to be close to do not read old chat logs of someone you used to be close to do not read old chat logs of someone you used to be close to

timelyburden:

timelyburden:

Once my dad got a nail stuck in his eye so he had to get this cotton patch taped over it and while he slept I drew an eye on it and put makeup on it and coincidentally my dads name is Joe so I think you know where this is going

My dad was the real Cotton eyed joe

I wasn’t kidding… dont judge the artistic part of it i was 9 and he is a light sleeper